Steve Patterson
Happy Mothers Day 2017!

Happy Mothers Day 2017!

Dear Moms,
On behalf of everyone who has or has had one or more of you, thanks.

Scarletts mothers day card
Scarlett Patterson’s Mothers Day Card to Nancy

Thanks for loving your children unconditionally despite behavior that any other reasonable human would consider “conditions to stop loving someone”.

Thanks for being personal chefs, chauffeurs, psychologists, tutors, coaches and relentless bodyguards despite not being paid for any of these duties.

Thanks for being our biggest fans when we do something remotely good and our fiercest defenders when we do something completely bad.

Thanks for putting up with dads who often are more like additional offspring than equally contributing partners in a household (sorry about that to my wife Nancy)

And to you single moms out there, I can’t even imagine. I suppose you’re further proof that some of us dads are redundant. But honestly, to be able to raise children, maintain a household and still fight the good fight in a workforce that continues to be rigged against you, well, let’s just say it’s a far cry from when I was hungover but still managed to look after my toddler by myself for an hour the next afternoon.

That said, I’d also like to apologize on behalf of myself and all the men out there who, as little boys, were real arseholes. I’m still not sure how you talked various school principals out of expelling your various sons at various times. But I assure you, we appreciate it. And while I can’t apologize on behalf of female teenagers, I’m sure they would agree that some of them were less than “ideal” to deal with at times.

Myself and my brothers lost our mom a few years back. And every mother’s day since has been, and will continue to be, tough. I imagine that’s the case for everyone who’s lost their mom. I miss my mom’s laugh, hug and even her innate ability to turn seemingly routine situations into bonafide calamities. Now that she’s watching over me wherever I go, I’ll take the time to talk to her on Sunday. In a way much more loving and much less creepy than Norman Bates did in the movie Psycho.

Plus I’ve been blessed with a stepmom who has loved me like one of her own (despite meeting me as a 12 year old that ate mashed potatoes out of his hand when he met her just to try to scare her away) and a mother-in-law so wonderful there’s no way I’ll ever write a “my mother-in-law is terrible” joke (and that is practically a pre-requisite in standup comedy)

So here’s to ALL you moms, stepmoms, mother-in-laws and those who fill the incomparable role of motherhood in all but title. Mother’s day is this Sunday. May you be honoured, pampered and showered with 1/100th of the love you give on every other day of the year.

 

Yours truly,

 

 

 

 

 

Proud son, stepson, son-in-law and husband. Not always in that order.

 

1 comment